Today's guest post from Brynna Lynea King is dear to my heart and very close to my own story. If you're a twenty-something like us - or any age for that matter - and still trying to figure out how to be a grown-up, this one is for you. Or have you had an epiphany like Brynna's? We'd love to hear how each of you are working towards un-growing up.
Un-Growing Up
Recently, I became a writer.
Oh, well, that's not quite true. Let me start again.
One month ago, I finally decided, once and for all, to be a writer. I started a freelance business that I hope
grows into something fabulous.
Here’s the thing, though: I have written since I learned to
write, which was nearly 20 years ago. I won writing contests in elementary
school and had an original poem chosen for publication in high school. I
majored in writing and literature. I've
been a contracted writer for a marketing agency for over a year. So what is the
difference between that and what I'm doing now? Is it that I made an
announcement, or named a business after myself? No. My identity as a writer is
not a company name or a website or business cards or professional headshots.
These may have helped me convince myself, but they came after my decision was
made. The reason I am choosing to be a
writer is that, after a lifetime of self-doubt, I realized that I was at risk
of letting my dream slip away. And
getting in the way was “real life” – or, what I imagined real life meant.
I “grew up” four years ago. I transferred colleges to focus
on my future. Then I got engaged. After that, I graduated. In barely over a year, I had gone from being
an art-bleeding, hard-partying singer-songwriter and the keyboardist in a
reggae band to transferring schools, cleaning up my act, and planning a
wedding. Soon, I found myself applying to graduate school to be a teacher –
because after all, what does one do
with a writing degree?
But then came the trouble. I had a wonderful husband and a
neat, pretty life. But it wasn’t nearly
as fulfilling as it was supposed to be. In my junior high classroom, I felt
like a kid trying to act like a grown up in front of other kids, unable to be
myself -- my not-really-very-grown-up self -- for fear of seeming
unprofessional or losing respect. And I was wearing slacks. At home, I was attempting to play perfect
housewife, overwhelming myself with assuming all household responsibilities
because I thought that's what good wives do. I found myself in the midst of a
violent, self-inflicted identity crisis based on my own assumptions about what
it means to be an adult -- assumptions that almost cost me my dream and a huge
part of myself.
The truth is, I’m an artist.
I’m a writer. I have trouble picking up after myself, and sometimes I
enjoy a little chaos. And so, to balance
the pendulum, I've been working on un-growing up -- just a little. Here are a few things I'm learning.
"Growing
up" does not mean becoming someone you're not.
Are you becoming a better version of the REAL you? I can try
to be a neater neat freak all I want. But I am not a neat freak at all.
Un-growing up here means letting go of selves I sometimes wish I was, and working
purposefully on improving the self I am. The real grown-up qualities of
responsibility, wisdom and maturity are good, necessary things. Add these to
your true self; no made-up self can wear them nearly as well.
Growing up does not
mean achieving perfection.
You're driving yourself crazy. And I guarantee your spouse,
boyfriend, or best friend is also growing weary of your constant pursuits in
the direction of perfection. Repeat after me: perfect is boring. Some synonyms
of “boring” are characterless, colorless, drab, and lifeless. When
your goal is perfection, you miss out on creativity, which is almost always
messy and never perfect. Perfectionism robs you of life and joy.
Growing up does not
mean you can't have fun.
One night fairly recently, I got mad at my husband when he
told me he only likes doing chores when he can make them fun. To me, this
sounded immature and irresponsible. Really? If chores can be fun, why shouldn't
they be? Stop taking yourself so seriously.
Un-growing up is
letting go, deciding for yourself, and enjoying the process.
It's throwing out expectations, unrealistic standards and,
most of all, rules. Rules like "you must major in something
practical" and "you can't have any fun once you have kids" and
"wash your sheets every week.” Says who?
Take your three-month-old camping. Major in underwater basket weaving,
if that’s what lights your fire. And surround yourself with people like my
amazing husband who will make sacrifices (like washing the sheets) to support
you in your dream, because it’s what you have
to do.
At the risk of sounding like your Facebook wall, I turn to
the legendary Steve Jobs, who really had this one down:
“You've got to find what you love… Your
work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly
satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love
what you do. If you haven't found it yet, keep looking. Don't settle. As with
all matters of the heart, you'll know when you find it. And, like any great
relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on.”
I didn't decide to be a writer until I realized I might have
to spend my life doing something else. I might just grow up and leave writing
behind.
No, thanks – I’m going back for it, and it’s coming with me.
~
Brynna Lynea is a freelance writer and blogger at brynnabegins.com where she blogs about her creative process, taking chances, learning new things, pursuing projects and dreams, and leaning on the grace of God. It is about enjoying today and not worrying about tomorrow. It’s about paying attention to the process. Check out her stellar freelance website or follow some of her everyday musings @brynnlynnea.
