Sub-standard Employee Still Writes

This is not how I wanted to start my day. This is not a blog I want to write. This is a day that is happening anyway, and this is a blog I have to write, for honesty’s sake and for my peace of mind because I am first and foremost a writer. 

I was fired from my part time job this morning. 

Trust me, I feel even worse when I look at it in print. Every thought you’re thinking right now as you read this, I’ve already thought with about 150 times the guilt and self pity that you can’t feel. 

So why am I writing this? Because the reality that most people avoid is this: even good people get fired from their jobs. I sincerely believe that I worked hard as a hostess at that restaurant, as hard as I could, and my boss did not like me or appreciate that hard work. It’s not an ideal situation, and it’s one I never thought I would be in; no one ever does, but it’s real and true and hard and scary. They said that my work was sub-standard and ill fitted to their establishment, in so many words. 

My question, after 6 months worth of weekdays and weekends dedicated to this position where I worked to the best of my abilities, is: 

To what extent can I take responsibility for this failure without losing faith or confidence in my ability to be a productive, hard-working employee just like everyone else? 

I was kind, considerate, polite, consistently on time (which is no easy feat for me, I’ll admit), and I always tried to do what they told me no matter what. The restaurant industry seems like easy money for wait-staff. The reality is, it can be really complicated. It is impossible to please both the customer and the boss at the same time when the boss says, “Seat them here” and the customer says, “May I sit there instead?” A customer’s wants and needs come before those of the establishment (within reason), and so the seating plan can become disarrayed, and the boss gets upset. 

It’s over now. I am starting from scratch in a down economy with a black mark on my resume and a Bachelor’s Degree I’m not sure I can use. I am writing this because my story is the reality of many unfortunate circumstances trying to get back on their feet. 

As my mom says, I can only look forward. I can choose to take what I can learn from the experience and lay it to rest. I don’t know what that means for my future, but I’ll keep you posted.

Blackbirds and Blogs.

My husband is jamming with his acoustic on our bed, and I just read eight chapters of The Book of Laughter and Forgetting by Milan Kundera. (To my shame, it's harder for me to read and grasp than it was when I read it in high school.)

Matt and I went to see the new flick Julie & Julia tonight. I'm glad I did. I'll let you see for yourself what I mean when I say that it inspires you to reevaluate your own potential. Driving home from the flick, Matt mused about how hard it is to choose a career and make a living, especially when you have more than one gift or talent.

"Sometimes I wish God have given me just one talent so that I wouldn't have to worry about whether I am choosing the right one."

I responded, "I wish that so many other people weren't so good at what I am gifted with, so that I don't have to feel so intimidated."

I have a feeling that God was not sympathetic to those statements. In fact, I'm sure that He was disappointed. I am too. I think, now that I'm sitting on my bed listening to my husband play "Blackbird" with perfect ease, and I sit here writing away, that it's not the people, the industry, the world we're afraid of. We're afraid of ourselves.

It's like Julie said, "I can write a blog. I have thoughts." Indeed.