The Market of Decision-Making.

We're getting settled into our apartment, and I am thoroughly enjoying the routine of a full time job. And yet. There are still so many things that I wonder about and so many things that I didn't realize I needed to learn.

Grocery shopping, for example. Didn't think that something I felt was so routine in my family of five would be so hard to do for just myself and my spouse when I 'grew up.'

Of all the things that I watched my mom do, I always remember watching her stroll confidently through the store, snatching up the things our family needed to thrive. Vegetables, meat, cereal, bread, juice, milk, ice cream...

Now, I find myself wandering through the store trying to make a million different decisions while balancing all of the things we're concerned about: our budget, our health, smart consumerism, our tastes. My husband and I, although we both share a love for food and healthy appetites, have differing opinions on which issue carries the most weight with our choices.

What constitutes "healthy?" Read the FDA requirements for labeling a product as "all natural" versus "organic" and you'll see what I mean.

We want to buy fair trade, organic, eco-friendly, budget-safe products. But how smart can we really be as consumers? [I've gone more than 12 weeks without purchasing BP, but are we setting up another company for an epic failure down the road?] Maybe trying to do it all isn't possible.

I realize now that despite how carefully our parents and their parents tried to protect our well-being, they still learned the hard way that our food, our toys, our education, our energy sources, our transportation, our economy, our government - all have been tainted by one thing or another. None are as sustainable as we had hoped.

When I'm grocery shopping, I feel the profound weight of deciding more than just what we'll be eating for dinner. We are deciding what kind of lives we'll be leading. We are deciding what kind of economy we can sustain. We are deciding who is in charge of our resources. We are deciding whether the health of the world is worth investing in. That's a hard decision to make.

Moving Forward

June was a month of many changes. Despite the iTunes debacle, which has yet to be resolved and did yet more damage AFTER my last post, the hubs and I were able to move into an apartment and out of my in-laws place. And the peasants rejoiced! Just kidding. There was much rejoicing, by all involved. I am thankful for the love, support, and heavy lifting everyone did as we made this transition. We are truly blessed with amazing friends and family.

At the same time that I was moving into a new apartment, I got to move into a new office! That's right: all in one month, I started full-time in the position I've been working for a year and a half, I moved to a new apartment with my hubs, and I got my own office. It doesn't get much better than that, but it wasn't an easy month, that's for sure.

I - once again - feel moved by revelations, by an increasing awareness of many different truths, but mostly:

1. "Life is what happens when you're making other plans," Lennon so wisely noted. June was supposed to be our month to save a nice little nest egg before we moved in. The iTunes thing happened at the worst possible moment, making our saving plans impossible. But we survived it. And these unpredictable experiences are a fact of life. So how will we deal with it?

Mario's comment in my previous post is very true: while it's great that Matt and I were able to support each other through a crazy experience, it does highlight our insecurities about money, which can (and does) cripple our ability to make wise financial decisions. It's time to reevaluate our attitudes and how they can affect our future finances.

2. I have no other way to articulate it than this: God's fidelity. If you're not religious or you don't have faith in Christ, please hear me out. 

This is what I've experienced: His provision in all circumstances. 

It's not coincidence; it's too perfect for that. It's not my own doing; I'm not smart enough or strong enough to make these things happen. I just know that whenever I think 'Well, this is the end of the rope - we have no money, no way to make it, etc..." that's when something completely miraculous happens. And it's not what I expect or want to happen; it's a door that opens that I didn't know existed. And it's faithful - unending, never failing, even when I'm sure I don't deserve it.

It isn't blowing out a birthday candle and getting every present you hoped for. It's an unforeseen intersection of what you later realize you needed and what you could not imagine was possible. It's not finding the answer to the mystery; it's learning to be content with it. It's not wearing rose-colored glasses; it's removing tainted perspectives to see what's really there.

Opportunities come along, for us to give and to receive and to move forward, when we thought we were on the wrong side of a brick wall. We may not understand these circumstances for a long time, but choosing to see life for the short, unpredictable, sacred miracle that it is makes it easier to see the truth, in my experience.

iTunes Fraud - A Lesson on Peace in Pandemonium.

Last week was an interesting week to say the least. On Tuesday, as I was cheerfully primping before leaving for work, my husband was online checking our bank account balance, and noticed 6 transactions from iTunes. All unauthorized by him or myself, totaling in nearly $800. Pandemonium ensued.

My freshly applied mascara streamed down my face with crocodile tears while I tried calling every hotline number for both our bank and iTunes. FYI, most companies don't make their customer service hotlines clearly visible on their websites. In fact, iTunes itself doesn't have a hotline - they have an online chat. In the event of an emergency, no one wants to sit and "chat." If this ever happens to you, God forbid, do what I did and call every number imaginable until you get a live person so that they can hear the panic in your voice. I spoke with two very compassionate and helpful people and it did wonders for my attitude towards their company.

Needless to say, we spoke with our bank and with iTunes and still had to wait for the "pending charges" to either be removed or validated before filing a claim. It appeared, as of Friday, that all 6 transactions had been removed. Saturday, 2 of them were returned to our account (totaling $200) and I had to finish filing a claim with the bank. The bank credits the missing money to your account until they can investigate to determine whether your fraud claim is true or not. So right now, we have $10 in our account.

All in all, it's been a real roller-coaster ride. I'm angry, frustrated, and tired. I keep going over in my head all of the things we could have done to prevent it, or at least keep it from doing this much damage - we shouldn't have had Matt's debit card linked to his iTunes account. We should have been diligently saving an emergency fund, etc..........

But the reality is that this could have and does happen at random to thousands of innocent, unsuspecting people, and we have no control over it.

The one thing I've realized this week is that what we can control we must control. And that is our reactions. I know too many couples that let money issues break them apart. If my husband and I lived by their standards, our marriage would be very short-lived. Despite my meltdowns, he has been compassionate and strong. And I have been working every day to reign in my fear and frustration and to reiterate every day - "I'm thankful for you. We can survive this together."

Isn't odd, that in our weakest, most helpless moments, that is when we are most in sync? That when everything is completely out of our control, that is when we are most at peace? Thank God.

The Cock-Eyed Optimist

Who has a full time job? This girl! Writing and "social media managing" for my alma mater and loving every minute of it. The hubs and I move out of my in-laws' house and into our own apartment at the end of this month. (3 weeks from now!)

Things are really starting to change for us, and I'm relieved and excited and nervous all at once. I'd be lying if I said that things are all good right now, though. It feels like at the moment when the things you've been hoping for begin to transpire, the other things - the things you pray with every fiber of your being will never happen - also transpire.

I am convinced more and more that we don't have time to be unhappy or unsure or unkind or uninspired. The less we try, the less we really live. It's so logical, and yet...

So here are the things I am inspired by today:

1. The weather. It was an amazingly perfect day today after a cold, rainy yesterday.

2. Work. I love hearing stories of God's miraculous ways and people who persevere. 

3. My creative friends. My sister-in-law just started her own business this week, and I pray every day that her creativity flourishes and inspires those around her, because I am certainly inspired and excited.

When everything and everyone is telling us that this time is the hardest time to start a business, and this economy isn't going to lead us to the jobs we always planned on, and this environment is about to collapse, and this product and that product are killing us, and this technology is ruining our brains, and this government is all wrong and unchanging, WE are the ones who have to make the choices that will lead us forward. Our parents did it. Their parents did it. Every generation is faced with crucial choices.

There is hope. There is reality. And when it comes to a day like this, when the rain poured down on us only yesterday and now it is a beautiful clear night and our hometeam just won (GO HAWKS!) after a 49yr losing streak and the whole neighborhood is lit up with fireworks, and you've talked to your mom on the phone and you're just thankful to hear her voice, and your little brother just graduated from high school (thank God he survived), then you realize - you have no excuses left. Nothing is predictable. But hope and reality do occasionally walk hand-in-hand into the future.

The 20 Minute Blog and Monthly "I Should Write!" Epiphany

My boss told me today that a single blog post should take 20 minutes or less. I have a feeling that if I could learn to follow this rule, I might not take a whole month to formulate a new post, and I might actually gain some readership.

As usual, much is going on in Bethanyland. If I tried to write it all here, it would definitely take more than 20 minutes. 

(Actually, the truth is I did try to write all of it here and it took me 40, so I've already failed. Question: are blogs really quality writing if people take 20 minutes to write and click publish? Does the 20 minutes include editing and proofing? Conclustion: I'm not sure I believe in the 20-minute blog.)

So here is my news for today: I wrote an article in my school's quarterly publication about a man, Steve, who passed away in 2004. A musician, Steve was eternally grateful for the tutelage and mentoring he received at our institution, so in the event of his death his parents established a scholarship for music students like Steve. It went to press a week ago and landed on our readers' doorsteps just yesterday. 

This morning I log in for my morning dose of Facebook to find an incredibly uplifting message:

"Bethany, my wife is Steve's niece. Steve's mother called my wife as soon as she saw the article - it made her cry. Thank you so much!"

Occasionally I get the unavoidable reminder: THIS IS WHAT YOU'RE MEANT TO DO. And it's everything I needed but didn't expect.

Right now, my career is not where I imagined it would be 5 years ago. Let's face it, 5 years ago, everything I knew about being a "real writer" I learned from T.V. Don't hate me - it's the generation I grew up in. Blame my parents. (Just kidding mom!)

I certainly didn't think it would land me in the copywriting, social media business (did that phrase exist 5 years ago?!)

But, if what I'm doing right now means that every few months or so I write something that can bring joy, gratitude, and peace to someone's heart, then I am exactly where I need to be until God gives me a new opportunity.

45 minutes later...