2.18.2010

Bio- Draft 1.

It is truly incredible what I can do when given an unexpected (but welcome) day off and a cup of coffee (or 2). Without further ado, here is draft one of my professional bio. I NEED feedback, so please read with a critical eye.
Bethany grew up in a small town in the Lower Peninsula of Michigan, where her rural farming community, a floundering Michigan economy, and the devoted support of her family taught her to aspire and achieve whatever, wherever, and however she could- and write about it.
As a city girl born and raised in the country, Bethany said goodbye to her tiny hometown to attend college at Judson University, located in a northwest suburb of Chicago. There she earned a Bachelor of Arts in Communications and Writing with aspirations to become a novelist, memoirist, columnist, journalist, publisher, literary critic, and/or literary professor.
She may not currently be any of those things, but nevertheless she has valued her various writing endeavors academically, professionally, and personally. Through her writing Bethany seeks to engage in and reflect upon a world of technology, art, spirituality, and relationships with a unique but relevant perspective.
After several “learning experiences” as a library page, retail associate, customer service assistant, waitress, hostess, and barista, Bethany now writes full time for two different organizations. She serves as a Social Networking Manager and writer for her alma mater, Judson University, where she writes and edits content for their web sites, press releases, and publications. She also serves Unicatis Marketing Group as a copywriter/editor.
Bethany is currently working on a memoir with her mother, who is living with recurrent breast cancer. In her free time, Bethany likes to both blog and read blogs, delights in finding a good book, and also loves music, movies, painting, and NPR. She lives in Elmhurst, IL with her husband.

5 comments:

hdl00 said...

So...I love reading your work. Just want you to know that. I’m worried I might become obsessed. My suggestion: write a book so I can wait in line and get your autograph.

My only thought about your bio is that the first sentence in the second paragraph contradicts the first paragraph, specifically “As a city girl born and raised in the country.” I know what you are saying, but it took me a couple re-reads to get it. In fact, I kept reading “A city girl at heart, born and raised in the country.” Cliché, yes…but someone who doesn’t who you are and where you came from might be confused. Liike I said though, just a thought. Keep in mind, I read and write business emails to attorneys all day long.

Now hurry up with that book.

Heather

hdl00 said...

I just realized I never finished my thought. When I said I write emails for attorneys I meant to add, “so my writing/editing style is completely different than most.” I totally sound like a pretentious idiot!

Kenji said...

A few thoughts:
1. Too many specifics - The reader doesn't have to know everything about you, only that which is significant.
2. Start with a sentence that describes who you are - We don't need to hear about your childhood unless it relates to what you're doing right now. Instead tell your reader what your main passions and goals in life are right from the beginning.

robert said...

Bethany:

I think this is a good start, but I would echo Heather's suggestions.

I'd also ask whether you need *one* bio or several bios. You mentioned LinkedIn in an earlier post; in my experience, LinkedIn is more focused on business connections. Yet the above bio doesn't really market you well as a business communicator; there are too many personal details that aren't relevant to, say, a marketing-copywriter job or even a staff writer/editor. (I also think you might be wrong about a LinkedIn bio driving people to your blog; I think you're talking about two very different and distinct audiences there.)

At the same time, I think blogs really take off when readers can make a deep personal connection with the writer. So, in that sense, there isn't nearly enough personal detail in this bio...or, maybe, not enough of the right kind of personal detail. Consider writing this in the first person, so it doesn't sound quite so much like resume copy. But how about choosing one strong image/scene that helps blog readers connect with who you are as a person. Blog readers don't care so much about where you went to school; they care what's on your heart, what's empowering you to pursue your dreams, what life journey you're on -- and how they can relate to that.

Just my .02. - Bob

Bethany said...

Thanks for the comments! I definitely feel that one of my biggest struggles is distinguishing relevant information, especially when writing about myself.

Bob, I have posted an edited version of this bio on my LinkedIn, one with less personal detail and more career-oriented specifics. I just invited you to join my network, so if you get a chance, take a look at it and let me know what you think!

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