On Finding Things.

The impossible has happened. My brother called me today: O'Hare Airport Security found his stack of vinyls that we thought were lost forever, safe and sound, right where he left them on a lobby table at the Hilton. What are the odds?

I can't deny it. After my downer of a post yesterday, it would be wrong of me not to write in response to my own pessimism with the truth that sometimes miracles, even small ones, do happen.

Remember that list of things lost in yesterday's post?

The grapes, the postcards, the pants, the cell phone, the camera, the laptop charger? What I didn't tell you is that I actually did get some of those things back.

The camera I left in a cafe in Vienna was waiting for me when I dashed across the city to grab it before I missed my train home.

The pair of pants were neatly folded along with some clean sheets in the laundry room of the hostel in Florence where I left them.

The time when I got lost on a crowded street in Amsterdam it just so happened that I was in possession of our group's cell phone, and I was able to call the one other person in our group who also had a cell phone. She found me within minutes and I was soon safe in the arms of my companions.

Why was this an unimportant piece of the story yesterday?

Sometimes, having faith makes it hard to reconcile my fear and doubt and disappointment. If we can convince ourselves that miracles don't happen, then the pain of losing out on the things we want most might somehow be easier to deal with.

So then, what do I do with the found things in my life? The miracle moments when all of my pessimism and cynicism are met with the impossible? Against all odds, I'm standing in the moment I feared would never come, holding in my hands the thing I never thought I'd see again. And how do I reconcile that with the moments when I don't get what I'm hoping for?

It should be obvious by now that I'm not just talking about finding records and cameras and pants. It's not even about losing and finding myself on a street corner in Amsterdam.

Maybe what I need is not the thing I want itself. Maybe I just need to find the faith to accept life as it is, lost or found.