7.22.2010

The Not-So-Secret Secret

I have a secret... I have a writing accountability partner. It's a "secret" because whenever I think about it, it's like my thoughts are whispering. It's like, if I let my subconscious know, then it'll suck my newly-inspired well of motivation dry and then I'll suddenly be aware of how crazy this sounds and I won't do it. The reason for this, I think, is because my natural instinct is to hide everything I write. If I let others see it and I actually put it out there, then bad things will happen. People will dislike what I read. People will tell me that I suck. And then, I will lose the one thing I feel like I am able to do. It will confirm my worst fear: that I am not good at what I love. This crazy cycle of fear that I am just now beginning to realize that EVERY writer experiences has, in fact, been the grim reaper of my writing efforts. And this realization is what has brought me to this very decision: if I don't have an accountability partner, then my fears will kill my confidence in what I am supposed to be doing, which is writing.

Writing is a very personal and vulnerable act. Many people live their lives without ever indulging in it. Some people simply are no good at it. The thing about writing is that at its core, it is an act of confession, an act of admitting your innermost thoughts on all manner of subjects. And if what you write is not something that others agree with or at least understand, then you feel like they're disagreeing with and misunderstanding who YOU are, at YOUR core.

I've existed behind a fa├žade of realism - I tell myself that I'm just trying to admit that I'm not the greatest writer and that I know I'm not an expert on what I'm writing about. I mean, if I'm not an expert at anything, then what direction do I have to go in?
But actually, that mindset has just been a rationalization for my fear that I'm not good enough.

So my friend and I have made a decision to help each other move forward with our writing. Instead of hm-ing and haw-ing at what should we write and doubting whether our opinion matters or whether we're making sense, we're going to write and meet and discuss and edit and encourage and TRY.

So our assignment for this coming week is:

1) Bring something to share that you have written that you are proud of.
2) Bring something new that you are working on.

Something to boost our confidence, and something to work towards... This might just work.

So my question for you, dear readers, is: What is your best writing motivator? Or if you're not a writer, what is your best creative motivator? How do you make yourself do the thing you think you cannot do?

2 comments:

Cheshire Kat said...

I like the new layout!

curtisbell said...

You don't suck, Bethany! At least you have talents that people appreciate!

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