I never wake up late four days in a row.
I never wake up late, get ready for work with the vision of the most perfect outfit ever and then proceed to rip a gigantic hole in my brand new, never worn tights and then yell expletives for the next 3 minutes as I figure out what to wear instead, making myself even later for work.
I never cook myself roasted eggplant and crostinis for dinner and add way too much garlic to the recipe and regret it for the following 24 hours.
I never drink an extra glass of wine with my dinner because I'm home alone and no one is watching.
I never tweet when I'm annoyed with something or someone.
I never miss project deadlines at work.
I never find myself supremely annoyed when people respond to my email requesting the attachment they forgot with, "yes, I will send that attachment along!" without the attachment...
I never procrastinate on calling people because I hate talking on the phone with a passion.
I never get self-conscious when old professors ask me if I've applied to grad school or looked for other jobs yet and answer, "No, but…"
I never respond to someone's comment on a political topic with, "Yeah, I totally agree" and then run to my computer and look it up on Wikipedia.
I never procrastinate on writing on a blog post because I'm just not sure what to say.
I never procrastinate on writing a a blog post because no one commented on my last post.
I never watch a mini-series on the Spanish channel instead of writing or reading a book.
I never get discouraged when friends and acquaintances tell me, "Loved your last blog post!" because they read it but didn't comment on it or share it with a friend.
I never find myself wondering if I've written a blog post that makes people question my sanity, or at the very least, my ability to write.
I never get offended or annoyed with friends when they ask why blogging or social media matter.
I never get self-conscious when I hear people say that they never ever intended to be a writer/artist/photographer/designer but somehow got published anyway.
Those things never happen in my world, ever. Just in case you were wondering.
The sort of thing that does happen to me:
I drive to work grumbling about all of the things that never happen to me and suddenly find myself riveted to the radio interview of a gifted poet who just came out with a book I absolutely must read.
So in case you also find yourself analyzing all the things that do or don't happen to you on a given day, please read this poem and find yourself inspired. That is, if you ever do find yourself inspired by poetry, which I know might never happen to you. In which case, don't.